My boyfriend is attentive, incredibly beautiful and one of the friendliest I’ve ever met. It also happens to be among the 15 percent of the world population who suffers from a disability. Because I know you will ask, his handicap is that he cannot walk very well due to an episode of polio, he has received a vaccine as a baby – something the anti-vaccine groups could have a field day with. He’s lucky he can walk, but realistically we both know that the wheelchair is in the future.
What it is like when your boyfriend has a disability
When we started out, I was all butterflies and happiness to be with a big guy. The fact that he is suffering from a physical disability has not even register to me as something to think about. I mean, it works more slowly. But for what?
What it is like when your boyfriend has a disability
Well, it turns out that things are not that simple. nobody ever talks really what is a disabled person, until then if I want to be honest here. I’m not going to be too positive or dabbling in things. A year and a half in our relationship, here is the preview I can give.
It is not a big deal… until it is.
When we started dating, I knew that there were some adjustments. But every relationship needs adjustment. So not much, right? Some adjustments are easy to predict, as how we will not live in an apartment on the floor just in case of failure of the elevator. Or how we need to budget for the cost of taxis.
But then, there were all these corrections that I couldn’t predict- or simply not have enough insight to predict. For example, my boyfriend and I are avid travelers. In fact, we met through Group a passenger. I love to travel so much that I write a blog on how to go camping and hiking.
Travel in the cities is not a problem.
But then we spent a week together on a beautiful beach. There were some impressive rock formations nearby, but he had to walk on rough terrain to get to them. I really want to go.
photo credit: Diane Vukovic
There is no way that my boyfriend could do more of these rocks. He told me to go alone. If I had not spent during this hike, my boyfriend would have felt guilty for “holding me back.” But the minute I left, I felt guilty for him leaving behind him.
Yes, it sucks when you and your partner cannot enjoy the same things together. We have not yet understood what to do about it. But we’re talking about it. On the next trip, we’re going to hopefully better things plan so that it fires and did something he loves while I go the rush on the rocks. It still sucks, but it’s better that two of us feel guilty.
The problem of body image
Another thing about dating of a person with a disability that I did not anticipate was the body image issues. When you’re a little funny market and with legs that don’t look like your peers, you may find yourself with a body image problem. All I know to do, is to support and to remind him how sexy I find. But it still makes me cry when I think about all the years my boyfriend has spent alone, thinking that nobody would ever find him attractive or worthy of love. Of
I have no tolerance for other people intolerance
As Hannah Jane Thompson wrote to The Mighty on his little friend with a disability, one of the few people to talk about this – she often worries what will think other people. It’s not because she cares about what others think, but rather because she if worried it could hurt or annoy him.
I think Hannah should have a lot more patience than I do!
It is particularly annoying when someone made a comment along the lines of, ‘You are a saint’ or ‘You are so brave’, as if I’m doing charity by being with my boyfriend. Why they can’t see beyond her disability? Why they cannot see countless other wonderful things about him and his life which have absolutely nothing to do with disability?
Oh and it’s especially annoying when I told my mother to him. His reaction was, ‘ well, can he walk five miles if we go on a hike together? I thought I was going to snap at his level of different.
These kinds of things are difficult for me to hear. I can only imagine what it’s like for my boyfriend who must deal with a company to communicate on a regular basis.
But is not what a couple challenges to overcome?
All couples will have their share of challenges to overcome. For us, these challenges are probably a little different from those of other couples. Many of them are the same though – I always complain about cooking. And he hates five alarms that I need to wake up in the morning… But ultimately it does not matter. Disability does not define our relationship. What is the love we have for each other which allows us to overcome all the challenges, we could face and I hope to become a stronger couple and the stronger people – so.
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